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Cisco CEO slams new Bruce Willis movie

Claims its routers are secure

Thursday, May 17, 2007 Posted: 8:47 AM EST (1347 GMT)
SAN JOSE, CA — Cisco officials are raising a big stink over the upcoming Bruce Willis movie, "Live Free or Die Hard." In it, a villainess (played by former model turned actress Maggie Q) effortlessly hacks into a conglomeration of Cisco routers that guard America's critical infrastructures. Draw bridges, traffic lights, subway trains, banks, Langley Air Force Base, and other vital tools of society falter due to what is described in the movie as a "single point of failure."

"Describing Cisco products as a 'single point of failure' is ludicrous," CEO John Chambers declared in a scathing press release. "Our products are 'homogenous' in that we provide nearly all of the equipment that connects American society. But these products are also the most secure products running the 'core' of the Internet today. It goes beyond the pale to make moviegoers think you could just log in and wipe out the United States with a 'copy run start' command."

Chambers went on to berate actor Bruce Willis for "playing a washed-up alcoholic DHS cyber marshal. Every schoolboy knows DHS sends strapping virile young men to handcuff teenage boys who hack non-Cisco products that support networked role-playing games."

Chambers pointedly attacked actress Maggie Q for the crucial scene in which she remotely hacks into a room full of Cisco routers. "What was her motivation in that scene? Is this woman stupid enough to actually think she could break into a Cisco box? That's absurd," Chambers fumed. "Anorexia has obviously dulled her thought process."

When asked why he would complain about a fictional movie, Chambers fumed "because fiction should be realistic, just like in computer security. How can you expect moviegoers to believe some anorexic runway model can hack into the world's most secure router-based operating system?"