Antivirus firms angered over new Bruce Willis movie

Draw bridges, traffic lights, subway trains, Langley Air Force Base, and other vital tools of society falter when the antivirus software is turned against the people who installed it on their networks.

Although it's not mentioned by name, the defeated antivirus software sports a yellow logo similar to Symantec, the world's top seller of antivirus software. This fact did not go unnoticed at the company's headquarters.

"It is absolutely unethical for Hollywood to show terrorists how to turn antivirus software against its users," said Symantec CEO John Thompson. "This movie could double as an Al Qaeda training manual." Symantec CTO Mark Bregman agreed, saying "I'm appalled that moviemakers would put the entire world at risk of a cyber-attack just to sell movie tickets. Mr. Willis is directly supporting the spread of cyber-terrorism."

David DeWalt, the CEO at rival antivirus firm McAfee, expressed similar disgust. "Hollywood just doesn't get it," he said. "We're talking about antivirus software, which is the first and therefore the most important line of defense on the Internet. Hollywood is abusing the First Amendment when they teach people how to use an antivirus rootkit."

McAfee CTO Christopher Bolin couched his words in a more moderate tone. "We've been working hard to stop viruses," he said, "and it's through our Herculean efforts that the Internet hasn't been destroyed already. But it's wrong, just plain wrong, to acknowledge the existence of the ADVEIS antivirus rootkit in a blockbuster movie. This movie could be the catalyst that destroys every antivirus product on the planet."

Bolin warned that "you might see a massive Congressional investigation into the movie industry if thousands of Jihadist hackers terrorize millions of corporate servers running our antivirus products." He called on the U.S. Department of Homeland Security to raise its alert level to orange (high) or even red (severe) when the movie makes its debut.